Sunday, January 21, 2007

Knickers to advertisers

Work this week has been something of a trial, as howling gales and lashing rain have buffeted my little shed so hard that, occasionally, it has felt like a maraca being shaken by a giant hand. Luckily, the roof has, so far, stayed on. However, despite the weather, I am still proceeding at a fair old lick towards the end of my second and final draft of Alone, the memoir.
Sadly, the title was chosen by my publisher, largely due to time being too short to wait for me to come up with anything better. I lack enthusiasm for Alone , but marketing are dead keen. So, apparently, are the buyers at various supermarkets, who have ordered up a whole load of ’em. Why are publishers so keen on getting our deathless prose on the shelves next to washing powders, tins of beans and economy packets of knickers that come 6 for the price of 4 (this, though, is a false economy. Take it from one who has several times found herself pushing her supermarket trolley with one hand whilst holding up her knackered knickers with the other. The elastic gives out in very swift order – 4 out of the 6 in less than a year – disgraceful! It takes more sangfroid than I possess to simply step out of them and pop them in my handbag, the way Great Aunt Peg once did when her drawers dropped as she left Worthing post office. But that’s another story.)
In my innocence –some would say muddle-headedness, which, though true, is unkind – I thought this blog was all about cosy conversations with fellow writers and interested readers. I had no idea it was all about advertising - duh! - And advertisements in toilets? The most we run to in the khazi on the local seafront is a rather literary graffito: ‘And then he kissed me in a way that Shakespeare would approve’ – sweet, if a tad clunky.
Sometimes, in racier areas, there are discreet references to the location of the nearest ‘Special Clinic’ (read ‘pox doc’ between the lines) and exhortations to indulge only in safe sex, ‘Condom machine located by entrance’. I have yet to see any references to Omo, All Bran or Annie Crumpet’s Cut Price Travel, and thank goodness for small mercies, I say.
Hail stones the size of golf balls are battering the shed; time to make a dash for the house and a soothing cup of tea. Have a good week, folks. By the way, Charles, I am dead impressed with your book planning. I know I couldn’t do it. I sit down each day and think, ‘I wonder what they’re up to today?’ I like my characters to surprise me, and when they do, I know they’ve taken on a life of their own – and I just love that!

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