Tuesday, August 03, 2010

A few review bon mots

Hi folks, Blechta here — and still overwhelmed by work, so I'm still in a thieving mood.

This week's theft is from my good friend (and great author) Simon Wood who sent out his newsletter last week. I thought one thing in it was particularly good and would like to share it with you (with his permission, of course). It deals with nightmare reviews and provides blurbs that are quite the opposite of what an author hopes to get when a new book comes out. They're quite witty and I'm sure you'll enjoy them.

And by the way, check out his website, www.simonwood.net and sign up for his fantastic newsletter while you're there.

NEWS FLASH! NEWS FLASH! NEWS FLASH! NEWS FLASH! NEWS FLASH!
Simon will be our guest blogger here at Type M this coming Sunday. Be sure to check in to see what this always-entertaining author has to say!

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Terminated has been out a few weeks, which got me thinking about reviews the other day. Well, not exactly thinking, more like obsessing. Despite my rough, gritty exterior that you've come to know and mildly like, I'm quite squidgy inside, so the idea of getting a bad review is likely to make me cry or hide under the duvet until someone compliments me. So I started to think about what would be a nightmare review. Here's what I hope never to see written about my books at any time:

"A great bathroom read—very absorbent."

"It's one hell of doorstop."

"Out of all the books I've read this year, this was one."

"This book made me switch on the TV."

"This book is very put-downable—a policy that should be applied to the author."

"An author to track down—and do bad things to."

"It made me hate my ability to read."

"This was a real page burner."

6 comments:

Janice said...

Reminds me of an old friend, a Scottish television script editor who used to reply to the authors of unsolicited scripts, with the delightfully ambiguous..."Thank you for your script. I shall waste no time in reading it."

Simon said...

I'm you liked my fears, Rick...

Rick Blechta said...

How about this one?

"I feel a lot more like I do now than I did before I read this book."

or

"The author certainly has a way with words. Unfortunately, it's not a good way..."

Thanks for commenting!

Donis Casey said...

I like that third one - "of all the books I've read this year...: and intend to be using it soon.

Anonymous said...

I think "M" for Murder is the Bizzy-Bizall! It truly and Epically Rocks!

Rick Blechta said...

Yes, it does.