Friday, October 08, 2010

Only Joking!

Having moved from the new book to the “scene-by-scene” stage of the screenplay, and having to head off first thing this morning to a weekend crime festival in Toulouse, I will leave you with this lighthearted selection of paraprosdokians.

For those of you who have no idea what a paraprosdokian is, here is a neat summation:

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.

Much loved, of course, by stand-up comedians. Which effectively makes it a figure of speech describing a joke.

Here are a few examples for your delectation:

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. Which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse always gets the cheese.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity they can train people to stand on the very edge of a pool and throw them fish to eat.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but always check when you say the paint is wet?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Have a great weekend (that’s not one, by the way)!


Hannah Dennison said...

I love these! Thanks for making me chuckle today (and pause for thought, actually). Enjoy Toulouse. I really miss Europe.

Moonsanity said...

LOL I wish I could come up with ditties like those at the spur of the moment:)

Donis Casey said...

The car and garage thing reminds me of my grandmother's adage that a cat can have kittens in the oven, but 'that don't make them biscuits'.