Monday, October 29, 2012

October gloom

The clocks went back this weekend and now we're into the part of the year I always hate.  The daylight hours get shorter, the evenings and mornings get darker day by day, the weather gets worse and it feels as if we're moving further and further into a dark tunnel with not even a glmpse of a reassuring light at the end.

Not only that, I'm in the dark tunnel stage of my new book as well, when it's getting more and more complex and I'm starting to panic at the thought that not only can't I see the light of the way out at the other end, I'm not even sure that it's there at all.  And with a March deadline I can't even decide that there's another, much simpler book idea out there somewhere and maybe I should just chuck this one and start again.

I keep telling myself that this is exactly how I always feel at this stage in a book and somehow it will work out if I stay calm and stop worrying at three in the morning about how on earth I did that stuff of getting all the strands straightened out and pulled together at the end before..

There's a little verse that comes to mind:

A centipede was happy quite, 
Until a toad in fun
Said, 'Pray, which leg comes after which?'
This raised her mind to such a pitch
She lay distracted in a ditch
Considering how to run.

I know looking too far ahead isn't constructive and that if I can convince myself to trust the story, take one day at a time and hand over what's going to happen to my subconscious mind instead of letting the bossy conscious one barge in to start trying to rearrange the furniture, it will be all right..  Probably.  At least I hope it will.  I'm relying on gravity to sort it out - the gravity of what would happen if it didn't.

And where the daylight is concerned, once St Lucy's Day, the winter solstice, is past, even if January and February still lie ahead we're heading into light not darkness so it's all right.

Of course, were were all along, from a technical point of view.  Just doesn't feel like that in blasted October.

6 comments:

Rick Blechta said...

I've heard this said about Scotland (from a Scots): You're born. It's cold and wet. Eventually you die.

November is the worse month of the year as far as I'm concerned, except maybe in the Bahamas.

Hannah Dennison said...

I'm glad I'm not alone. I feel EXACTLY the same way as you do at the exact stage of my book - especially the night-time panic. I take great comfort in the story about the centipede. And whilst on the subject of the weather - it was quite glorious today at a lovely 75 degrees and blue sunny skies (although we did have an earthquake at the weekend ...)

Charlotte Hinger said...

I love winter and holing up. I think I associate it with comfort.

But I don't like the book winter when I come to the panicky realization that I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing. And may not ever know.

Rick Blechta said...

I really hate it when I wake up in the middle of the night panicking about Hannah's book.

Aline Templeton said...

Glad to know there are other sufferers out there. Actually, Rick, on the East coast it's not really the rain - some lovely sunny days just now - it's the short day getting shorter. But it seems feeble to be complaining about the weather here when New York is suffering so badly. I hope you and yours are all safe.

Rick Blechta said...

I'm 500 miles away in Toronto. We got a bit of wind and some rain. Two of our lawn chairs blew over.

New York, on the other hand, it wasn't too bad away from the shore, but if you were down there, it was pretty bad, according to my brother in Connecticut.