Tuesday, December 24, 2013

A little writerly humour for the holidays

I’m out of town for a holiday break with our family. I know I’ll be overwhelmed with things to do, and I’m also playing with my brother’s band, so a posting on Type M might well go by the boards — much as I love you all.

So, trying to be as organized as possible, I’m writing this post days early, probably a first for me.

I have a small gift offering: one, my favourite writer joke. Anyone will get it, but if you’re an ink-stained wretch like me, you will really get it.

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A writer dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, there’s a huge line-up. After waiting for some time, St. Peter comes up to the man, telling him that there’s such a backlog, he’s going to let the man look at both Heaven and Hell for Writers, and just allow him to make up his own mind where he’d like to spend eternity.

The writer asks how to get to Hell for Writers and is directed to a bank of elevators.

The trip down is a long one and when the doors open at the bottom, the writer’s greeted by a huge demon. “I know why you’re here. Follow me.”

They go down a long hallway and the demon throws open the last door on the left. “This is it.”

The writer looks into an endless room filled with long benches. People are seated at the benches, typing furiously as the heat of a thousand suns burns down on them and laughing demons whip them mercilessly.

Oh, I don’t think I’d like to spend eternity here, he says to himself. “I think I’ll go back upstairs now,” he tells the demon accompanying him

Once up there, he asks where Heaven for Writers is to be found. He’s directed down a long corridor where an angel opens the last door on the left and stands aside.

Inside, the endless room is filled with long benches People are seated at the benches, typing furiously as the heat of a thousand suns burns down on them and laughing demons whip them mercilessly.

The writer turns to the angel. “I don’t understand. I saw exactly the same thing down in Hell for Writers. There was absolutely no difference!”

The angel smiles beatifically. “Ah, but there is. Up here you get published.”

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To everyone out there, may you enjoy the best of holiday seasons and the most fortuitous of luck in the coming new year!

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