Madder Than a Mosquito...

I’m a sucker for colorful turns of phrase, especially the ones that evoke an unexpected image in the mind. The southern part of the United States has quite a few of those, far more interesting than any saying I’ve heard here on the west coast. Maybe that’s because I’ve lived somewhere on the west coast my entire life and I’m used to them.

One of the contestants on the most recent season of Holiday Baking Championship was from Georgia and had several interesting expressions. She referred to something she baked as having “fallen right out of the ugly tree.” My favorite was “madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory”. Can’t you picture a mosquito flitting from plastic arm to plastic arm, getting angrier and angrier as it realizes none of them are real and its expectation of a feast to end all feasts has turned into famine.

I’d never heard this expression before so I was curious to see if this was a common one. In my five minutes of googling, I discovered that Larry the Cable Guy has used it and a judge used it in a court order in 2011.

The judge’s court order was a fun read. Here are some of the other expressions he used in the legal document:

• happier than a tick on a fat dog
• more confused than a baby in a topless bar
• he would rather have jumped off a twelve foot stepladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than...

I also found Hickapedia where redneck sayings are cataloged. I think I’ve been guilty of this one myself: "Ask her what time it is and she’ll tell you how to build a clock." And then there’s “Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.” I feel sorry for that cat.

How about you all? Are there any expressions you particularly like? What about expressions that confuse you?