Have you ever been in a heated conversation and, when it was over and you had a chance to think about it, wished you could go back and throw out a piercing verbal barb? Something that would draw imaginary blood and dazzle your argumentative opponent at the same time?
Me too. I just never think that fast. Thank heavens, when we write dialogue, we can always go back and amend what we’ve written to make it sound sharper and more intelligent.
If only real life was like that. In the meantime, I offer some of the best insults ever uttered. If only I’d thought of them.
-"He had delusions of adequacy.” Walter Kerr
-"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill
-"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow
-"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
-"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
-"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas
-"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain
-"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
-"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response
-"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb
-"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. - Paul Keating
-"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker
-"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West
-"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde
-"He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” - Billy Wilder
-"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it.” - Groucho Marx
-The exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
-"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln
Let me know if you have any favorites that I don’t know about. Happy writing!!
