Barking Mad

 What a strange time we're living through. I read Charlotte's entry, below, with consternation. She finally takes the plunge and re-engages with the world and gets Covid. (Get well, Charlotte!) This is not what I wanted to hear. I'm still cocooning, as I have been over the past two years, and am about ready to bust out of this joint.

But cocooning or not, the craziness of things cannot be kept at bay. Back in May, my husband had a lithotripsy. It's a long story but suffice it to say he can't have normal a lithotripsy. They have to go up and grab the kidney stones with a little basket, or blast them with a laser. I'll leave you to imagine the procedure. The last procedure didn't manage to get all the stones. He has to go back in for another shortly – we hope. The problem is the doc put a stent in one of his ureters, which has been causing mild bleeding. Which has, after several weeks, made him slightly anemic. They don't want to remove the stent until he has the next procedure. But they don't want to do the procedure while he's anemic. But the stent is what is causing the anemia. It's enough to make you tear your hair out. There's more complication, but I won't bore you with all the many nits we've been picking lately. Sometimes I really get tired of being me.

It all reminds me of a fictional "public notice" I wrote for myself ten years ago, after a long period of an even worse medical Catch-22. I never published it anywhere, but I dug it out recently and think it's particularly apt for my current mood, so I shall share it with you Dear Readers at last.

"It is my sad duty to announce that Donis Casey has lost her mind. She was last seen this morning in Kiwanis Park, where she has apparently been living off of partially eaten hot dogs and half-empty potato chip packages, and the remains of picnic lunches left at the ramadas and in trash cans. Police were dispatched after people living around the park reported hearing what was described as a coyote wailing for several nights, but after launching a search, Ms. Casey was discovered squatting behind a cat-claw bush and howling at the moon.

What brought this on is a matter of intense speculation. Ms. Casey was considered by all who knew her to be a well-balanced and thoughtful woman. Psychiatrists theorize that she was unable to reconcile her own mythology with reality and could simply no longer tolerate being this creature she had invented called Donis Casey.

She believed the Roman assertion that fortune favors the bold, and spent her life trying at least not to be a coward. It took her more than half a century to realize that a mouse may try and act like a lion, but it’s still a mouse. No good the half-assed stabs at boldness that punctuated her life. She would have been better off to pick one--mouse or lion--and stick with it. Play it smart and safe or go for broke and hope for bold and lucky. Her downfall occurred when she aimed to be bold but kept tempering it with caution, for caution pulled her up short of the goal every time.

She seems to have considered various alternatives to insanity, such as drugs or alcohol, or creating a false identity and running away to India, but in the end she found it more expedient to go barking mad and be done with it.

It remains to be seen if Ms. Casey can be saved. If not, she will be missed. However, Ms. Casey would like to assure her friends and family that she will not miss herself in the least. 

In the meantime, the family thanks you for your concern."